Listen, Learn, and Love - 3 Keys to Harmony

Reader Harmony Needs and Solutions

Originally, this was the page where we published (anonymously) your questions and dilemmas and where we offered keys to harmony.  So check below to see if your communication has been answered.

As of September 20, 2012, Dr. Joan's Advice has moved to a new page.  At the top menu, please click on the flag titled Dr. Joan's Advice to read Dr. Joan's answers to your communications.


Advice from Dr. Joan

Date: 09/19/2012

By: Dr. Joan

Subject: Find Your Voice

Dear Wall Flower:

You say you are having trouble "speaking up." Here is a simple suggestion:

*When you want to say something, but you feel shy to speak out, begin with what I call a SILENT HUM. You pick a note and hum it in your head, silently, without voicing it. Then start talking and say say what you have in mind. If you are able to step away from the other person or group, then go to another room or another space and HUM aloud before you return to speak your piece.

Practice this technique with your friends or family to become "easy" with it. In no time, you will FIND YOUR VOICE.

Good luck, and let me know how you like the SILENT HUM.

Dr. Joan's Harmony Key: A well-spoken word is like honey in the mouth.

Date: 09/16/2012

By: Dr. Joan

Subject: When Love Finds You

Dear Knight of Alabama:

So you've fallen in love with a woman who is 60 and you are a young buck of 78. First of all, congratulations. Love is where you find it, or where it finds you. You don't say what you are worried about. Whatever is stopping you from pursuing this relationship, forget it. Go for it! Be bold! If you enjoy each other's company and have common interests, you will form bonds that will last the rest of your lives. Good luck and let me know when you set the date.

Dr. Joan's Harmony Key: Love is not about age. It is about connection.

Date: 09/16/2012

By: Fast Walker

Subject: Walk in Loops

Great advice!!

Date: 09/16/2012

By: Dr. Joan

Subject: Expect the best of your child

Dear Bad Dad:

First, stop calling yourself a "Bad Dad." You are not a bad dad for disciplining your 8 year old son. He needs to learn that stealing and lying are not tolerated and he needs to learn it now. In fact, it is a lesson best learned well before 8 years of age. What your son must learn is that taking someone's property and then lying about what he did are both unacceptable behaviors. Try the following with your son:

*Have a five minute talk, eye to eye, about what happened. Get him to tell you WHY he did it. Ask him how the other person who lost the property feels. Tell him how you felt when he lied to you. Involve your son in setting consequences if it happens again. End by both you and your son agreeing that it will not happen again. Tell him you have faith in him and you love him. Hug him!

Dr. Joan's Harmony Key: Expect the best of your child.

Date: 09/14/2012

By: Dr. Joan

Subject: Walk in Loops

Dear Slow Walker:

I'm sorry to hear that your walking partner does not understand that you must walk slowly due to your recent round of chemo and radiation. Here's what to say to your walking partner:

"I know you want to get more exercise, so go ahead and walk fast ahead of me. Then turn around and walk back to me. You keep repeating this forward and backward loop, and I'll keep going at my own pace toward you."

Good luck with your recovery and keep walking. The speed doesn't matter. It's the consistency of practice that is important.

Dr. Joan's Harmony Key: Figure a way that works for you AND your partner.

Date: 09/13/2012

By: Dr. Joan

Subject: Engage Your Brain to Learn

Dear Woe Is Me:

The next time your husband is critical of your cooking skills, try this:

Immediately engage your brain, which will stop your eyeballs from flooding with tears. Your goal is to learn something about your husband. Face him and ask him to give you five minutes. Sit down together and ask him to describe his favorite dish of all time. When and where did he eat it. Then promise him you'll study how to prepare that dish and DO IT. When you serve it up, make it a big deal with candles, music, the works!

Let me know two things: Did his attitude improve, and did you enjoy learning some new details about your hubby?

Dr. Joan's key to harmony: Plug the tear ducts by engaging the brain

Date: 09/11/2012

By: Dr. Joan

Subject: A Tender Ear

If you find yourself caught in a contest of wills, on any subject, with anyone, try this:

become silent, take a deep breath, and listen carefully to the other person. Wait five minutes before replying to that person, even if it means taking a walk and coming back.

Dr. Joan Proverb: a tender ear is more valuable than a loud mouth

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