Subject: Conflict in Relationships Creates Inner Tension
I’ve changed your circumstances to protect your anonymity, as I always do, but you will recognize my answer as being zeroed in on your frustrating situation with your co-worker. I will call her Debbie. You told Debbie your problems in confidence and she revealed everything to another co-worker. You found out because the second person offered to help you and you were shocked to realize she knew about your personal situation. You wanted to keep your problems quiet at work because they could affect your employment. You TRUSTED Debbie and she broke your confidence. When you confronted Debbie, she argued with you, saying she just wanted to get help for you and that is why she told the other co-worker.
You and Debbie are not speaking. You are in conflict. This conflict at work, along with your personal problems at home, has ramped up your inner tension. It is imperative you take immediate steps to reduce your stress. You can take these steps, independently from Debbie. Forget Debbie for now and focus on releasing your inner tension. Here are my four suggestions:
STEP ONE: Relax your shoulders and take a deep breath. Do it again. Say to yourself: “I release all animosity and frustration NOW.”
STEP TWO: Quit blaming others for your situation. Don’t even blame Debbie. YOU are in charge. YOU are taking steps now to change your circumstances. Say to yourself, “I am in control of my life.”
STEP THREE: Recognize your strengths. Physically make a list your strengths and praise yourself OUTLOUD for each strength. Say to yourself, “I can depend on my strengths.”
STEP FOUR: Write down one change you will make today. It could be as simple as making your voice softer the next time you speak to someone. Say to yourself, “I will change this one thing today.”
My thoughts are with you, Ev. This is your day! Make the most of it.
Dr. Joan’s Harmony Key: Tension is like a wound-up snake. Release it before it strikes.