Guilt is a roller coast, my friend, and like the real deal, it gives us butterflies, bruised knees, and sore muscles. It also makes us scream out loud. And after the ride, we feel sick, sick to death of ourselves for what we did ... shame rears its head.
You say you feel so ashamed of your unfaithfulness in your marriage. Let me tell you the truth: shame is something we create within ourselves. Yes, you behaved abominably. You’ve admitted it. You have told your wife the truth, and according to you, she has forgiven you. You are married to someone who wants to stay with you and she is a forgiving person. Count yourself lucky and then count your blessings.
Your first job is to get rid of the imposters called Guilt and Shame. How do you do that? You forgive yourself. Go now, look in the mirror, and say: “I forgive myself. Guilt no longer has power over me. I am no longer ashamed.”
Your second job is to rebuild your marriage. Go back to the mirror and say: “I will focus on earning my wife’s trust. That is where my energies will go from now on.”
Now that you’ve squared things with your wife, and you and she will be very busy re-establishing harmony in your relationship, you must throw guilt and shame out the window, boot them out the door, and tell them never to come back.
Dr. Joan’s Harmony Key: When Truth lives in your house, there is no room there for Guilt or Shame.