Subject: Letter from the Bear Family - Third Response
Dear Grown-Up Cub:
Did Mama Bear call you and arrange for some time together? Did she ask you how you’re feeling, what you’re enjoying, and what your challenges are? Did you open your heart and mind to Mama Bear while she listened quietly to you? Did you ask Mama Bear how she is doing and how she sees things? You know, Mama Bear has years of experience to share and wisdom to offer. Did you listen to her responses with patience and interest?
This SEE-SAW process of listening to each other and learning about each other is called ACTIVE LISTENING.
It may take many months of non-confrontational interaction between you and Mama Bear before the two of you develop a trust that will last a lifetime. Just keep it going, and remember to sprinkle your get-togethers with many “I love you!” affirmations, back and forth.
Then it will be your turn, Grown-Up Cub, to take the initiative! It is your responsibility to carry your listening skills into your partnership with your husband. Rest assured you will be able to do just that! You will realize, from your talks with Mama Bear, that ACTIVE, SEE-SAW LISTENING, when practiced by both partners, leads to a strong, supportive relationship. With self-confidence you will ask your husband to sit with you in a quiet atmosphere where you will practice mutually supportive conversation. As described above, no one gives orders, no one makes demands. All judgmental thinking/talking is banned! Both of you will have the respect and courtesy to listen/learn from each other. It does take practice.
Also, you will remember that it is important to tell your husband, often, that you love him.
So, Grown-Up Cub, this exercise I have described is in preparation for the final adventure that you, your husband, and your little daughter will take as a family. I will describe that adventure when next we meet, here in the land of the Harmony Keys.
Dr. Joan’s Harmony Key: If you stand on your hands, all the coins fall out of your pockets. If you stand on your own two feet, you hear more, see clearly, and speak with a soft voice.