You call yourself Jealous Hubby, but let me say that you should call yourself a rare man. You wrote to me about your feelings and that means you have taken the first step toward healing yourself and improving the relationship with your wife.
You say that your wife, who is 20 years younger than you, seems to light up around men who are closer to her own age, but she is more subdued with you. You’ve acted on your frustration. When inviting couples to join you in social gatherings, you’ve tried to manipulate who gets invited so as to exclude the males in question. Your wife has protested.
Stop right there. Has your wife been faithful and respectful in your marriage? If so, she may be more subdued with you because she feels comfortable and safe in your company. She trusts you to love her just as she is. If she is effusive with others, that may be her way of creating a joyous atmosphere in a social setting. Trust your wife.
Your first assignment is to tell your wife: “Honey, I love you.” Simple as that. And repeat it again and again. Your love for your wife is the harbinger of your trust in her.
Your second assignment is to work on yourself. Your jealousy might stem from your own insecurities. Tell yourself, “I am a loving husband with deep feelings and I am a rare man because I express my feelings!”
Now I’m trusting you, Rare Man, to carry out these assignments.
Dr. Joan’s Harmony Key: Jealousy dies when Trust is born.